NFL - I Think I'm Done

~ The only vice which cannot be forgiven is hypocrisy. The repentance of a hypocrite is itself hypocrisy. ~ William Hazlitt

The NFL levies "huge" fines today for violent hits which occurred in last week's games. Meanwhile you can purchase these in almost any store. Guess who profits?

Women

Now I love woman, always have. Hell, I eventually even married one. But can we men just keep a few things in our lives reserved for good 'ol male jackassary?

I know what you're saying, "Doug, this is a really bad idea. Talking ill of women will cast a poor light on you and at a minimum get yourself cutoff for a month." After careful consideration I figured the poor lighting might work better with this little weight issue I have and the so called "cut off" really only amounts to about a total of 9 minutes so here goes...

Woman - Please stay out of the following:
- Rockets and anything dealing with telemetry
- Any discussion dealing with a rock band from England
- The Speed Channel
- The NFL

It seems like one Johnette Howard has even gotten to the point where she's landed employment where someone pays her to form opinions on one of these subjects. Jesus Christ we're weak...

Similar to how you might rub your dog's nose in his own shit as to make a point, let me grab Johnette by the nape of her neck and rub her nose in her own, well... article. Johnette wrote this on 9/15/2010 after the Jets fell to the Ravens. Before you read this keep a few things in mind:

- I'm not a Jet fan.
- The Jets lost the game 10-9 (for you writer types the math here is a differential of 1)
- The Jets are now 5-1

To date I've seen no follow up by Johnette. She must be busy working on a book about rockets.

Enjoy:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/commentary/news/story?page=howard/100915

Simply "E"

Live at the Metro Chicago

Payton Loves His New Home (I think)

I hope its because he loves the outside of the house...

Quite a Ride!

Have you ever wondered if a commercial airliner can withstand 2 constant hours of severe weather? No? Well, neither did I until about 90 minutes into my Washington DC to Chicago flight yesterday.

I'm no metallurgist but I did take a welding class in high school and it just doesn't seem like aluminum should bend like that.

Best Friends

Ken Griffey Jr. and I go way back... well, at least through yesterday.

Standing in an airport security line yesterday the man behind me tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that my laptop's light was blinking. I turned around to find out that it was baseball's greatest player of all time, Ken Griffey Jr. Ok, so Jr's not a Mac enthusiast. Who doesn't know the light on a Macbook Pro always blinks when turned off? Jeeezz. Anway, we spent the next 3 minutes catching up, he dominating the entire world of baseball for the past 20 years and me dominating the entire world of Filemaker Pro. I did thank him for doing it right during the "steriod" era of baseball. He thanked me and wished more people would recognize the same. So, if you happen to see Mr. Griffey standing in an airport line go up and let him know.

Mr. Griffey, I mean Ken, no wait, Jr. - give me a call. Your new best friend Dougie Jr.

Sam

Sam is a local artist that has spent the majority of the past 10 years homeless on the streets of Dallas. In the process of moving our office this past summer I repeatedly drove by Sam's little business that he had built into a dark enclave of an abandoned building. I noticed the art, it was good, so later when I was putting together a campaign to create awareness for our new building by promoting local artist, I thought of Sam. What I didn't know was that Sam was about to move to the national stage. MTV had produced a new show named the "The Buried Life" in which a group of young men traveled the country completing their own bucket list. They would complete the karma circle by finding someone in each community that wanted to "do" something before they died. Enter Sam...

I, like the many others that had passed Sam on the streets didn't know that Sam had a son that he hadn't met for 17 years. The show was able to find Sam's son and arrange their introduction. We were lucky enough to host the premiere of that show at our office with Sam and his son Laban as our special guests. We invited city leaders, friends and family. It was a great night. A night where Sam never stopped smiling while the rest of us never stopped crying. I have little doubt that Sam will soon return to his drawing and painting. If you see him, shake his hand and thank him for his story. Watch the clip of Sam's and Laban's first meeting: Watch Sam

Tips

How to build a post house...

1. Hire some freakish talent - check
2. Design a cool t-shirt - check
3. ....

Ranking - The Pronouns!

Bottom 5 (Worst pronouns of all time)

5. Whom – Admit it, you never know when to use it.

4. Us – Usually used to describe a relationship once the sex has dwindled.

3. We – Same as above just less sex.

2. Who – Makes me look stupid on those rare occasions where I should’ve used Whom

1. His/Hers – Please check the “gay” box if you have; towels, sweaters, t-shirts or afghans.


Top 5 (best pronouns of all time)

5. It – Integral if “Fuck” is a player in your vocabulary.

4. Her – Look at her… (fill in anything here)

3. Whichever – Brilliantly never forces you to make a decision.

2. What – Buys you 5 more seconds when asked, “Where were you?”

1. Myself – Wait a minute. Technically “Myself” is an Intensive Pronoun that is used to emphasize its antecedent and since Intensive Pronouns are identical in form to Reflexive Pronouns can it be #1?

Ranking - The Planets

Bottom 5 (Worst planets of all time)

5. Pluto – Finally exposed for the fraud that it was and rightly stripped of its planetary status by the IAU

4. Neptune – Much too chummy with Pluto thus status must be questioned

3. Saturn – The most conceited planet of all time, “look at me and my rings”

2. Jupiter – A blow hard comprised of nothing but liquids and gases and thus not suitable for landings

1. Venus – The planet of love hence designed for girls. Come on we're talking planets here! This is serious manly stuff.

Top 4 (Best planets of all time)

4. Mercury – Closest to the sun earns it a 1 spot for tolerance but way too small to crack the top 3

3. Mars – Gets high marks for its exploratory interest. This thing gets more exploration that Paris Hilton’s cooch

2. Earth – Can we finally admit that we’re slightly overrated? Sure we have this "life" thing going for us but no rings and a 1 puny moon keep us from the #1 spot

1. Uranus – Proof that 7th grade humor still reigns supreme!!!!!

Rankings!

From early childhood I was fascinated with lists. Compiling data, sub-totaling, calculating averages became natural actions for me. Sure, even I found this a little odd but my world just seemed less complicated by placing the winners, and sometimes more importantly, the losers into neat stacks.

Throughout the years my obsession with lists became enjoyment for others. My constant hope is that most are like me and enjoy this odd form of expression, however my in-box suggest otherwise. Most are insulted by my tawdry and often sexist comments or simply just take great exception with my selections. Many of the latter have urged me to publish my list and I have finally granted that wish. You will see them throughout the blog so feel free to comment. (I'm wearing a cup.)

1974 Toyota Land Cruiser

Kelly has gone off and purchased an old bucket of bolts and thinks she can restore it :)

This is what she has to start with. Enjoy!

The Great Bernese Mountain Dog!

Kelly won't let me have it...

More Homes to Choose From...

There are so many...

House Search!

Kelly and I have begun the arduous task of finding a new home... We're both very happy that we're looking in Chicago! Yes, if you haven't heard we've finally moved back! Kelly transferred with her current company and Doug has decided to commute between Dallas and Chicago each week.

Wait, I thought Doug hates flying??? Oh, he's over that and has taken to the skies quite nicely.

Here are some of our choices